Getting The Facts

LGBTQ – Definitions and Terminology:

LGBTQ (or GLBTQ): Acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning.

Lesbian: A woman who has continuing affectionate, emotional, romantic, and/or erotic preference for someone of the same gender.

Gay Male: A man who forms his primary loving and sexual relationships with other men; a man who has a continuing affectionate, emotional, romantic and/or erotic preference of the same gender.

Bisexual: A person who has the capacity to form primary loving and sexual relationships with members of more than one gender, someone who may have a continuing affectionate romantic and/or erotic preference of more than one gender.

Heterosexual: Someone who has a preferential erotic attraction to members of another gender; someone who has a continuing affectionate, emotional, romantic, and/or erotic preference for someone of another (usually “opposite”) gender.

Homosexual: A clinical and technical term not generally used by lesbian and gay people to refer to themselves or the LGBT community as a whole.

Transvestite: An individual who dresses in the clothes normally associated with another gender, usually for emotional satisfaction and psychological well-being (see transgender).

Transgender: A person who does not psychologically identify with the sex with which s/he has been born; while some wish to change their gender identification completely, many find it more comfortable to live between conventional gender identities (neither male nor female, but perhaps a combination).

Queer: A term becoming more common among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to represent their entire community. While some still feel uncomfortable with this word, it is one of the more inclusive words available to the LGBT community at present.

Out/Out of the Closet: Being open and public about being queer. Some people are out in some settings (i.e. with close friends) and not out in others (i.e. work, school.)

In the Closet: A term referring to a person who hides the fact that they are bisexual, transgender, lesbian or gay.

Heterosexual Privilege or Heterosexism: The institution of power that affords a range of economic, social and legal advantages to people who are heterosexual and does not afford the same advantages to others. It is the assumption that everyone is heterosexual.

Homophobia: Irrational fear and hatred of lesbian and gay people, based on erroneous myths and stereotypes, and contributing to discriminatory social practices, oppression and violence.

Anti-Lesbian /Gay Discrimination: Behaviours or attitudes that result in the exclusion of lesbian and gay individuals from the social rights, benefits and protection available to heterosexuals.

Internalized Homophobia: The negative beliefs and attitudes about same sex orientation that lesbian, gay and bisexual people inevitably absorb through growing up in our culture, and which can interfere with the development of self-esteem and positive relationships.

Questioning: A male or female who is unsure of their sexual or emotional attractions for the opposite sex or towards both sexes. Questioning is often a stage to “coming out".

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Questions and Answers

Q. What does it mean to be gay?

Men who call themselves gay are sexually attracted to - and fall in love with - other men. Their sexual feelings toward men are natural and normal for them.

Q. What does it mean to be a lesbian?

Lesbians are women-loving-women. They are women who are sexually attracted to other women. They are women who may feel emotionally and spiritually closer to women. They are women who prefer women as their partners.

Q. What does it mean to be bisexual?

Bisexuals are people who have the capacity to love people of their own and other genders. This capacity may include physical, sexual and emotional attraction or relationships with men, women and transgendered people. Over different phases in life, one might feel equally attracted to each gender, or to one more than the others. These attractions may change over time. Being bisexual does not define our lifestyle or our sexual behaviour: bisexual people are monogamous, polyamorous, and celibate, as are heterosexual and lesbian and gay people. It is important to remember that no matter who you are, you are not alone. Bisexuality cuts across race, ethnicity, gender, class, ability and religious lines, making it pretty likely that you are going to meet bisexuals just about anywhere you go.

Q. What does it mean to be transgender?

Transgender is a term to describe anyone who bends or challenges “traditional” gender roles: gay crossdressers, straight crossdressers, transsexuals, drag queens and kings, trangenderists, androgynes and gender benders of all sorts.

Terms such as gay and straight make little sense when applied to transpeople. Although not all transpeople identify as part of a larger queer community, many do, and certainly the general public and gay-negative politicians do not consider transpeople heterosexual, no matter whom they love.

Q. What do all of these terms mean?

Transsexuals are unhappy in the gender to which they were born and change their gender roles and bodies in order to live as members of the “other” sex. Modern medical technology makes this much easier than it was in the past. About 50% of transsexuals are male-to-female (MTF) and 50% are female-to-male (FTM). Many have sex reassignment surgery, in which their genitals are modified.

Crossdressers wear the clothing of the other sex on occasion, but do not desire to change their sex. They dress for personal reasons, which can range from a need to express their feminine or masculine side to a way to express themselves erotically.

Drag Kings and Queens present larger than life images of men and women, exaggerating sexual stereotypes for entertainment or self-gratification.

Intersexed persons are born with genitals, which show characteristics of both sexes. Many have surgery in infancy, and many of them grow up feeling like they have been robbed of an essential part of themselves.

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More LGBT Issues:

You may not know what to call your sexual feelings. You don’t have to rush and decide how to label yourself right now. Sexual identities develop over time. Most adolescent boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty, when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in new ways. Sexual feelings may be so strong that they are not directed toward particular persons or situations, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older you will figure out whom you are attracted to. Boys with truly gay feelings find that, over time, their attractions to boys and men get more and more clearly focused.

During adolescence, most young women begin to be aware of sexual feelings and take an interest in dating. Many young women feel physically attracted to men. But many other young women feel physically attracted to women. You may notice that you feel turned on by other women. You may feel different from your girl friends, like you don’t fit in sometimes. When you girl friends are checking out boys, you may find yourself checking out girls. Going out with boys may not interest you. You may find yourself wondering, “Why aren’t there any men like these terrific women I keep meeting?” You may also feel confused or unsure about whether or not you’re a lesbian. Adults may tell you that you’re too young to call yourself a lesbian, or that you’re going through a phase, or that you don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s their way of avoiding the fact that some women are lesbian youth. You may feel confused because you’re attracted to both men and women. That’s O.K. Some women have relationships with both men and women throughout their lives. Some may later decide to be exclusively lesbian or straight. Our sexuality develops over time. Don’t worry if you are unsure.

There is often a lot of pressure on teenagers to choose “one or the other”, being straight, lesbian or gay. You might feel that you do not fit either of these categories. You may notice that you are turned on or have sexual feelings about your own and other genders. These feelings may indicate that you are bisexual. Keep in mind, however, you do not have to “prove” you are bisexual, and there is no “test” of bisexuality. Many bisexuals have sexual relationships with people of only one gender or with no one at all, yet still consider themselves bisexual. Some people have relationships with people of their own and other genders yet do not identify as bisexual. It all comes down to what you feel most comfortable with, and what you perceive yourself to be. Don’t worry about not knowing:” Sexuality develops over time, and you should feel no pressure to identify in any particular way.

Yes, absolutely. It is perfectly natural for people to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered. It might be difficult to come to terms with your sexual orientation because it is not something that is encouraged in our society. You, just like straight people are perfectly normal (whatever normal is).

Only tell others when you feel you are ready. Some people may be very receptive, while others might not be able to handle the information as well as you had hoped they would. Sometimes it might be easier to talk about your sexuality with someone you know will understand; such as a counsellor, a LGBTQ hotline operator, through the internet or at support groups. This will ensure you have support as you talk about your sexuality. You might be surprised to find out what a relief it is that there are others who understand you.

What about sex?

Deciding to have sex with someone is a big decision. Be sure that you are ready to engage in a sexual relationship before you make this decision. Having sex with someone of any gender might be scary and a little intimidating. Be sure that you can talk to your partner about your feelings. Be honest and up front with your partner. Discuss what both of you are and are not ready for sexually. Talk about HIV, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, and what choices you would make if pregnancy occurred. Know that there are many ways to be sexually close with another person: hugging, kissing, cuddling, stroking, exchanging fantasies, rubbing bodies together, and touching genitals. You have control of your body and whom you choose to share it with.

Use a condom and plenty of water-based lubricant every time for anal or vaginal intercourse to reduce the chances of an unintended pregnancy and STI transmission
Use a dental dam for oral sex or rimming
Use latex gloves for fingering and hand jobs